来源：知乎
警告：如果你未满18岁，请不要看下去，我希望的是警戒，不是告诉你毒品的感觉
可卡因是很多人在抽了太多大麻没有感觉之后马上会接触的第二个毒品，我也不例外。如下我翻译的文章是一位戒掉可卡因十年以后的美国网友的感悟。我和这位网友有着一些相似的经历，相信很多人都有着一样的经历，不再废话，如下便是这位网友的感悟（水平有限，若翻译有误请多包涵）：
========================================================
Thoughts 10 Years After Quitting Cocaine by James
在戒断可卡因十年后的一些想法 詹姆斯
DOSE: repeatedinsufflatedCocaine(daily)药物： 反复 \ 粉末吸入\ 可卡因\ 每日摄入
BODY WEIGHT:180 lb身体重量：180磅
It has now been exactly ten years since I quit a daily cocaine habit for good. A few years ago I decided I'd write a little something on this occasion, to see how the experience stacks up from a distance. So here goes.
从我每日使用可卡因到为了我自己永远戒毒到现在已经过去正好十年。几年前我决定在这个场合写一点东西来看看我这在这么长的时间内堆积的经验。下面开始吧。
I used about a gram of coke a day or more on average for about 2 years when I was in my early 20s. Probably most reasonable people would call that 'heavy use,' but in fact I've seen wealthy people deep into the cocaine world who can do much more. It's amazing what some people's bodies can handle...homo sapiens remains such a mystery. But from my perspective, a gram a day was enough to keep me pretty much perma-wired.
在我二十多出头的时候，我过去每天都会消耗掉一克可卡因，如此持续了大概两年。可能很多人们有理由管这个叫做重度使用，但是实际上我见过很多有钱人深陷可卡因世界，他们会玩的更多。让人非常惊讶的事情就是有的人的身体可以处理掉更多的可卡因，比如很多现在的人就是这样的神秘。但是从我的角度来说，每天一克已经足够让我保持嗨的高度。
Prior to my coke days, I had had plenty of experience with weed and psychedelics. When I was 21, I had a lucky stroke of fortune. I had previously invested a small amount in a friend's business venture, which then took off and landed me a big payout. I could theoretically have gone to medical or law school, started my own business, put a down-payment on a big piece of property, or re-invested the money in a rising market. Instead I blew it on 2 years of solid cocaine use, non-stop partying, and entertaining trashy women. Well, that's humanity for you. At least I can say I reached pinnacles of ecstasy and pleasure I never would have known otherwise.
在接触小白之前的日子里，我已经有了很多关于大麻和致幻类药物的经验。当我21岁的时候，我幸运的得到了财富的成功。我之前有在朋友的生意里投资了一小部分钱。这小部分钱让我的朋友在生意场起飞，并且在降落后给了我一大笔回报。理论上，我本可以去医学院或者法学院，开始我自己的生意，为我的更多的财富交首付，或者再次把钱投资到上升的市场。取而代之的是我在两年之内玩光了所有的钱，可卡因，不停的派对，和垃圾的女人们娱乐。然而这就是我的人性。至少我可以说我接触到了快感的顶峰，这份快乐是我从来无法料想的。
A typical day would begin with me waking up in mid-afternoon with a terrible hangover, reaching over from my bed to smoke a big fat joint of the finest kind bud available at the time. Then I'd start doing lines with whoever else was around. Pretty much all day would be alternating joints and lines, sitting cross-legged in the living room. I'd have deep, earnest discussions about life and the human soul with people I though were my best friends but whose names I can no longer even remember. Sometimes I'd read a whole book at a single sitting, or write in my journal for hours on end. Other times I'd go driving, prowling around the city looking for a certain type of woman to pick up for fantastic sex. Sex on coke is amazing; every neuron is alive in a sophisticated dance, and it seems to turn many women into sex fiends. Ah, sweet youth. Then when the night rolled round I'd start drinking pretty heavily, straight scotch or vodka, and do more lines periodically. I'd often go out to clubs and so on. The liquor took the harsh edge off the coke, and the only way I could go to sleep at night would often be to kill a fifth of hard liquor.
我过去典型的一天便是每天中午起床，因为昨晚躁动了一夜无眠。然后我在床上会抽一根用最好的大麻卷的又肥又大的大麻卷烟。然后不管身边的人是谁，我也无所谓，我们会在客厅盘起腿坐着一起开始一条一条的吸食可卡因。我一般会愿意跟一些我认为最好的毒友讨论一些非常深刻的人生问题和人类灵魂的问题，但是这帮毒友的名字我最后却记不住了。有些时候我更愿意独自坐着读完整本书，或者是写一些日记。其他的一些时间我愿意去开车，在城市间徘徊，寻找着那些特定类型的姑娘们然后进行奇妙的性爱。伴随着可卡因的性爱是令人惊奇的事情。在这个“错综复杂并且精妙的舞蹈”下，每条神经传导纤维都似乎被激活，它似乎可以让很多女人最后沦为我的炮友。哦，那是多么的甜蜜。然后当深夜来临，我愿意大量的喝啤酒，伏特加，每过一小会便补充一条新的可卡因。然后我愿意去夜店之类的地方。酒精可以去除可卡因带来的负面感受，这也是我唯一入睡的办法。
Sometimes I stayed up for days on end and even the liquor didn't work. I was a mess. On the rare occasions I ran out of coke and crashed, I suffered the most painful hangover/comedown experiences I have ever known, before or since. I can imagine nothing more nightmarish than memories of looking at the dawn coming up with an empty mirror and empty bottles of liquor everywhere and suddenly thinking with foreboding, 'shit, very soon I will be writhing in exquisite agony.' There was always a single moment, like a fulcrum, upon which the whole experience turned. Suddenly the good times would be over and I'd have a skitterish thought, an ill wind that would signal 'from here on out its downhill, kid.'
有些时候我会持续保持清醒一直到这一天的结束，最后我也无法入眠，因为酒精无法起到任何的作用了。我过去就是一团糟。有那么几次，我用光了所有的可卡因和酒精，然后我忍受着莫大的痛苦感和可卡因下劲以后糟糕透顶的感觉。不论是过去还是现在，我都可以想象没有任何事情可以和这份糟糕透顶的噩梦一样的感受相比。看着黎明日出，伴随着空荡荡的镜子和房间内到处空荡荡酒瓶子，瞬间那份不详的感受袭来 “妈的，过一会我就将会在无尽的痛苦内翻腾和徘徊”。过去永远有那么一个时刻，就像一个拐点一样，所有的快乐都被反转。一瞬间所有的快乐都结束了，然后我开始产生一种讽刺的念头，一阵带着病毒的风吹来，发来信号告诉我 “从现在开始，孩子，你将开始体验下坡的感觉”
（请相信我，真正可卡因下劲给人带来的感受远远强于这段文字，如果说丢掉工作加上钱包被偷加上亲人离世的痛苦何在一起，那么可卡因下劲后的感受就是这份痛苦乘以十倍甚至二十倍，可卡因的原理是透支你未来的快乐，所以痛苦是双倍的，多倍的。作者只是感受到了一阵风而已，又有多少人感受到的是刀子暴雨）
My poor serotonin levels were already rocked from an adolescence of psychedelia, and I must have really shocked the system with the coke. I think its only fair to admit I may have damaged myself permanently in some respects, although it is difficult to say for sure, having nothing to compare it to (how could I possibly know what my mind would be like if I had never done drugs?). The damage in my case is, I believe, primarily emotional. I remain prone to bouts of deep anxiety and depression. And I still have an addictive personality, a craving and a bone-deep oral need that I have learned to accept will never leave me. All of these factors entered my life during or after cocaine use, and never really left.
我可怜的血清素含量早就被我年轻时候玩的迷幻类药物激荡过了，所以我必须使用可卡因来强烈的刺激我的血清素分泌系统。我想我必须公平的承认可卡因在一些方面可能已经给了我永久损伤了。尽管很难说他们到底是什么，因为我无法告诉自己如果我不玩药的话，我的大脑到底会变成什么样。这种损伤我认为首先体现在我的情绪上。我倾向于保持着深深的焦躁和失落感。并且我依旧有着容易对事物上瘾的性格特点，我终于了解了自己的毒瘾和深入骨髓的需求在未来永远无法离开我。在我开始玩可卡因以后，所有这些因素一并进入到了我的生活之中，并且到现在依旧未完全离开。
To me, every drug is like a woman. Cocaine is a dangerous, expensive, high-maintenance supermodel that flies into irrational rages and makes me drain my bank-account trying to make her happy. You know the one, with the deep tan, the long straight hair, the killer bod and the designer clothes. That's lady coke. She's a real bitch and a half, and she won't take no for an answer. I tried to break up with her several times before I was able to quit. I finally did it by removing myself to a location deep in the countryside where there was no way I could get coke, and doing farm work for 6 months as a farmhand. I was prudent enough to kick the habit before I completely ran out of money, although at the end of the day I had no savings left.
对于我来说，每个毒品都像是女人一样。可卡因是危险昂贵的高端超级名模，她飞进了一种不讲理的激情，让我的银行卡存款开始沦陷，我试图花掉每一分钱来使她快乐。你知道那个名模的，有着深棕色的肤色，长长的直发，可以美到窒息的身形和充满设计感的时装。这就是可卡因女士。她是一个真正的婊子还要多，她根本不会对一个答案说不。在我完全戒毒之前，曾经有很多次试图和她分手。最终，我把自己流放到了城市郊区的一个深深的角落，再也无法找到她。我在农场成为了农场工人，整整干了六个月。在戒毒的过程中，尽管我非常俭朴的生活，最后我依旧用光了我的每一分钱，最后我没有留下一分存款。（戒毒的过程是痛苦的，我曾经和作者一样，把自己禁闭，尽管每天扣扣索索，可最后依旧花光了所有的存款，深深的陷入这份困境之中。但是请相信你自己，人生充满高潮低谷，一切都会随着时间流逝。）
Eventually I was able to get back up on my feet, quit drinking as well, and go back into business. There've been ups and downs, but all in all things are going well for me these days. I've brought my addictive personality to bear on my work and become a workaholic, and I also have a great wife and a nice place in the city. Looking at me today you'd never know I was a coke fiend years ago. I suppose many aren't so lucky.
最终我终于可以回到我自己的步伐当中，也戒掉了喝酒的习惯，并且回到了生意场。尽管生活有高潮低谷，但最后，我目前的日子开始走向好转。我有把我性格中的成瘾性带到了我的工作，最终成为了一个工作狂人，并且我有了一个很好的妻子和在城市中一个很好的住所。看着今日的我自己，你永远不会想到几年前我曾经是一个可卡因终结者，可卡因恶魔。我想可能很多人并不像我一样幸运。 |
